


Hate Me

by asculderlifeforme



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Anger, Depression, F/M, Resentment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 22:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13727196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asculderlifeforme/pseuds/asculderlifeforme
Summary: Loving you and hating myself.





	Hate Me

**Author's Note:**

> Set during the dark times.  
> Based off a screen shot text.

Mulder was standing outside Scully’s door.

She’d started sleeping in another bed months ago. But now she’d moved out, she was in an apartment, ten miles from his house.

He was drunk off cheap whiskey and a plastic bottle of vodka was in his hand.  He’d added Crystal Light to it, so it was bright red and cherry flavored.

He was pounding on her door. He’d walked from the bar, to the liquor store, to her welcome mat.

He was here. Where was she?

The door cracked open, a chain preventing it from opening all the way.

He looked to her face. She was livid.

She was always mad at him for something, he couldn’t always remember why. Or why he kept coming back to her.

Oh, yeah.

He was nothing without her. He had nothing, he meant nothing, he was nothing.

She was the only meaningful thing he’d ever known, even more meaningful than his life’s work.

Because at the end of the day, when his aliens and monsters turned out to be men in black, she was there.

She was there.

“What do you want, Fox?”

Her use of his first name was deliberate, spiteful.

“I’m sorry, Scully,” he says, lingering on the S a little too long. “I love you too much to let you go. I can’t—“ he hiccups, swallows bile, then continues: “I can’t keep this up. I love you.”

The door closes in his face. The chain is removed, then the door opens up for him.

Scully won’t meet his eyes, just gestures for him to enter the living area.

He saunters over towards the couch, his feet heavy.

“Don’t sit down, you won’t be staying that long.” Her lips are tight, and the words come out in a higher pitch than usual.

Her words are like hot stones in his gut, burning him up. She is standing rigid next to the door.

“What do you want?” she repeats, softer.

“I want you back, Scully. I couldn’t see what I was doing and where I was going until you left, until I pushed you out. I love you, Dana Scully, more than I can ever love myself.”

His voice wavered at the end, almost as if he were crying. He put his hand to his cheek, and they came away wet.

“Fox. I told you what was going to happen and why. Those walls you built around yourself? They were turning into your mausoleum. You didn’t care. You didn’t love me then. You can’t love someone until you love yourself first.”

The cliché words sounded patronizing, but they were true.

“Bullshit!” Mulder screamed, getting in her face. He was spitting and crying and purple in the face. A vein bulged in his neck.

“I have _never_ loved myself. I _never cared_ what happened to me. But you?” his voice dropped to a whisper.

“Fuck, Scully, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.”

His eyes were streaming, he’d lost his bottle of cherry flavored vodka, and his dignity was at her feet in shreds.

He walked out the door, slamming it hard behind him.

Dana was left alone, arms crossed, tears in rivers down her cheeks.


End file.
